I Want A Perfect Life (and other lies I tell myself as I hide in the bathroom from my kids…)

My four year old spilled milk on the floor….for the third time today.

And if you even think about spouting the phrase “Don’t cry over spilled milk”, I swear I will go full southern mama on you! (it’s the only time I say “ya’ll”)

Because, come on, really the only person who deserves the right to cry over spilled milk is the mom of small children (or maybe a milk maid who carried several gallons’ worth up hill…. in three feet of snow… at night…)

And no matter how many times I try to explain to my four year old….and my five year old… and my two year old….and my one year old…that Mama has already cleaned up this mess (and 303,008 others today…) three times before, and she really really REALLY doesn’t want to do it again.

But Murphy’s Law of Children dictates that it will happen again. And probably within the same half hour. With synchronized soiled diapers.

Those are typically the days where you would find me hiding in my bathroom for 3.5 minutes, straining to catch a breath, and battling with my desire for the perfect life.

Because a perfect life doesn’t have spilled milk all over the floor.

A perfect life has bed covers that remain smooth all day long, paint that never chips, dinners that are always a success, books that are always balanced, and adorable robot children that never disobey.

Doesn’t that sound lovely?

Yes! Where do I get that? Just tell me what aisle at Target and I’m there!

But……

Then I remind myself, that if those bed covers were always smooth, then all those afternoons of jumping and bouncing and laughter and giggles would have never happened.

If all my cooking attempts were successes, then those words of comfort from my husband between bites of last minute cheeseburgers to remind me that my worth is not measured by how well I prepare dinner would go unspoken.

And if my children always obeyed, were always neat and clean, always quieted when I asked them…..then I would never really see THEM.

No strength behind the stubbornness. No joy behind the laughter. No moments of seeing a difficult task finally “click” in their heads. No hair brained ideas and hilarious quests. No days of teaching them about forgiveness and the need for a Savior.

No days where I have to ask for their forgiveness, and turn to Christ for the thousandth time in repentance and supplication.

Because heaven knows how many times I too have spilled milk all over the floor, seeping into my frustrated cracks, filling me to the brim with exhausted resentment over my own failures. My own anger. My own stumbled steps that produce shattered plates.

A perfect life would have no room for my own imperfections.

So is that what I truly want? A life without growth, but pristine in its attire?

You and I both know that the answer is No.

When I am honest with myself, delving down deep between breaths as I sit on my bathroom floor, I know that I don’t. Not really.

I may always strive for a perfect looking life, whether it be conscious or not, but am forever grateful for the real life I was given. Because then there is room for me too.

A life of frayed edges.

A life of missing pieces.

A life of messy, happy faces.

A life of stubbed toes, and tear stained snuggles.

A life of forgiveness.

 

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The Curse of “And” (or Motherhood Rant #836,283)

It’s been one of those days.

Or weeks.

You know the ones I’m talking about. The days when motherhood feels just so. Dang. Heavy. Weeks when you are overwhelmed by both the scribbled lists of tasks, and the empty lines that lie beneath them.

Pressure to check off the boxes, AND pressure to add more boxes. Continue reading “The Curse of “And” (or Motherhood Rant #836,283)”

Top Five Favorite Posts In 2017

You guys. I am blown away by how much this tiny blog has grown this year, and most of that is attributed to YOU!!! 

Thank you for checking out my posts, commenting, liking, and sharing. It means a great deal to this often frazzled mama.

So, to wrap up this wonderful year of 2017, here are the top five most viewed posts from the past twelve months:

4 Things I Learned From My No Spending Month

4 Things

 

What You Can See…When the Clutter Is Gone

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15 Ideas for Letter Writing

15 Ideas

 

The Forgotten Gift: Letters

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What to Give When They Don’t Want Stuff

What to Give

 

Thank you again! Excited to see what the new year brings!!!

When Wanderlust Calls

I have always lived within earshot of train tracks.

From the slice of suburban life that I called my childhood home, to the dilapidated balcony of my younger self’s great leap into independence; from the teeny tiny Californian apartment rubbing elbows with a new husband and a new name, to the solid brick ranch nestled in the vibrant green that is Tennessee’s cloak…

…the wail of a train’s whistle has penetrated the walls of every abode-and every stage-of my life.

“Come, see where I may lead you.”  Continue reading “When Wanderlust Calls”

A Tale of Birth

I find birth stories to be breathtakingly beautiful-a window into one of the life changing moments of a family. So this is one of ours. It was very different from my other births, and found it difficult to write. But I did. It may be raw, unexpected, and a trifle long….but it’s ours. Part of our family history now. And I would like to share this small window with you.  Continue reading “A Tale of Birth”

4 Things I Learned From My No Spending Month

February was my very first, officially titled, No Spending Month. I had never taken on this specific challenge before, and on Feb 1st, was excited to tackle it and see what I would learn.  Continue reading “4 Things I Learned From My No Spending Month”